I started my journey into this world earlier than anticipated and with the odds stacked against me, but was deeply connected to the other side. Like a beacon to the other side I spent my days as a child closer to the spirits I could see than the people all around me.
My grandmother was a Celtic Witch whose lineage ran deep and it is she who I was closest with. She was the safe space I could be my full self and not hold back. Not hide away. My family did not believe or approve or want anything to do with the spirits I spoke to and the colors I spoke of that I saw swimming around people and enveloping them. Their fears were projected on to me and I was told that not only would I be punished, but that I would always be rejected and unloved due to this.
I learned to hide a lot of myself. I connected with spirits when I was alone. Time alone was my most prized time because as I was never truly alone. I would spend my days in the fields connecting to spirit and spirits and being guided here and there. I could lose myself when I was alone. So free to just be me.
As a child I would help cross over spirits and meet their soul family waiting to embrace them as they crossed over. I had a keen ability to see the web of their life and their soul contracts. I could feel the thickness of them and what needed to be cleared. Their aura all but sang to me and danced around in my vision.
As I got older the connection got stronger, but I got weaker. The fear or rejection consumed me. I hid more and more of myself. I always worked from a place of unlovable and unwanted. I thought if I could just be normal and be more like them I would always be loved. I pushed it all away. I dulled myself to fit in. I stifled my soul because I believed so deeply that their fears were real and truth. Eventually I was afraid to let it in. We moved away from family and still with them gone I was too afraid. Anxiety was a daily battle for me until I developed agoraphobia.
When I got pregnant with my children I was unable to hold it in and I fought with myself so deeply over it. Anxiety felt different. It felt almost desperate in nature. Like my soul was screaming to be set free. I started yoga and meditation and slowly let things in but the wounds ran deep. I felt like I needed to work as hard as possible because that would somehow make up for it. If I could find a purpose then I was burying it for a legitimate reason and I could avoid the wound, the fear and the suffocation I felt.
My world came crashing down when my dad died suddenly in an ATV accident. I can still hear the words echo through the phone to this day. The searing pain in my heart as it shattered. Gasping for air in my lungs because my whole chest felt like it was going to explode and I could not get any air in no matter how hard I tried. The floor felt like it had slipped away and I was floating in a nightmare.
I remember the pain. It rippled through me. I had never felt pain like that in my whole life. I swear I felt my heart ripping in half. For months afterwards I begged and cried for him to come back. Pleading with the universe. I was so lost in the sea of grief.
I was completely unable to push down my inner world anymore. I could see my dad, hear my dad and felt like I was losing my mind. With no one to talk to I distracted myself with work and the legalities of dealing with someone’s estate. I pushed the pain aside, threw myself into my work and refused to acknowledge any of what was happening deep inside me.
I ended up getting very sick. I developed bacterial pneumonia that went septic and was now raging through my whole bloodstream. I was in the hospital on three different IV antibiotics and hooked up to oxygen for a week, while my body was fighting hard to stay alive. My spirit guides came to tell me I needed to accept myself fully. To allow it all in and that constantly hiding and pretending was killing me. That my wounds were eating me alive and that my soul was begging to be set free.
It took me a solid year to fully recover and in the meantime I started studying astrology, meditation, yoga, herbs, essential oils the list goes on. Remembering what my grandmother taught me and started taking courses about herbal remedies, the body, witchcraft, emotions, trauma, spirituality, and energy medicine; an apprenticeship in mediumship to learn how to work with the energy better.
I remembered the brightness that I felt when I was a child and the connection I felt to the spirits around me before I was told to push it away and hide it and before I let my fears and wounds take over and take the lead. I knew I needed to stop hiding. To finally feel like myself again and not this woman that was afraid that if she shared herself with others they would reject her and not love her.
I was guided to shamanism and shifted my studies to shadow work and dove deeper into astrology. It was through shadow work that I found myself, my true self. I dove deep into my pain, core wounds and patterns. I accepted all the pieces of myself that I was told to be ashamed of. I learned about my purpose and allowed my pain to illuminate the lessons shifting me out of why and into what and opened up to the gift of spirit.
Now I want to help you do the same. To see your soul again through the thickness of the shadow that has been built up through your own life experiences. To truly see those pieces and parts of yourself that you have forgotten, dismissed, or buried so incredibly deep. To show you the deepest love you could ever seek is right inside of you. To show you the light within your shadow and set yourself free. To become the love that you seek by becoming the wholeness of your true authentic self.
Cosmic Shaman Apprenticeship
Shadow Work Practitioner
Shadow Work Master
Primordial Sound Meditation
Past Life Healing Coach
Life and Life purpose Coach
Aromatherapy and Herbalism
Inner Child Therapy
Reiki Usui Master
Kundalini Reiki Master
Atlantean Reiki Level 2
Lemurian Reiki Level 2
Quantum Reiki Level 2
Pathways of light Reiki Level 1
Akashic Record Priestess